I hugged him that night. Thinking to myself, I will try to love him the way he loves me. I will try...no...I will be his wife...
For the next two months of our being together, Jess was so sweet. He would do everything for me. I was on top of my career goals as well. He got promoted to a higher position. Financially we were doing fine. I'm a born workaholic. Any task given to me I give in 100% or maybe more. Dumating na sa point na minsan nakakauwi ako ng 8 pm na just because of our research on Nanobots. I love my job and I know Jess loves me. I wasn't aware that our relationship was going down.
When I met Jess, he drinks a lot na. Pero when we started dating he stopped. He even stopped smoking. Around May 2001, he started going out with his peers again. Lagi nang late umuuwi. One day umuwi ako ng maaga thinking that he would be home. It was a weekend na wala syang work...and ako naman I have work on Saturdays pero I took an early off. Getting pissed because he wasn't at home I called his cell. Walang sumasagot.
Normal routine na naman everynight ang manood ng t.v. sandali before we sleep...pero that day changed. Parang wala sya sa sarili nya.
Gelai: Bhe...ginabi ka ata.
Jess: Maaga ka ngayon, wala kang date?
Gelai: Date? Kelan ba ko nakipag date? Last time I remember ikaw ang ka date ko.
Jess: May nakakita sayo sa Markham, kasama mo lalake mo.
Gelai: Markham is where I work, kung may kasama man ako ka office mate ko yun.
Jess: Sabay pa kayo kumain.
Gelai: Syempre lunch time yun. Alangan naman di ako kumain!
Jess: Mas masarap ba sya sakin?
Gelai: Jess, ano ba pinagsasabi mo? Lasing ka lang bukas tayo mag usap pag matino na yang utak mo.
Jess grabbed me upwards towards him, pinned me to the wall.
Jess: Diba sabi ko akin ka lang, walang ibang makakahawak sayo. Walang ibang makakahalik sayo. At eto...eto (bigla nyang sinapo ang pussy ko) Titi ko lang ang makikinabang dyan!
Gelai: Jess, pls nasasaktan na ko...let me go. Matulog na lang tayo pls.
Jess: Bakit pagod ka na ba? Napagod ka ba sa lalake mo?
Gelai: Wala akong lalake. Ano ba pinagsasabi mo? Sino naman ang nagsabi sayo na may lalake ako? Iharap mo sakin ng maiharap ko sa inyo yung pinagbibintangan nyo na lalake ko.
Medyo natauhan si Jess. I felt fear. I was looking at his eyes the whole time and I saw anger, madness. Natakot ako. Jess hugged me suddenly.
Jess: I'm sorry bhe...I'm sorry.
He kissed me softly. Parang bumalik na yung dating Jess na kilala ko. I was alarmed by the sudden change of moods pero sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, mahal ako ni Jess di nya ko pababayaan. He led me to our bed. No more foreplay, he just took off my clothes and his clothes almost immediately. Pumatong say sakin and entered me. He wasn't his usual self. If noon he would have his usual "get me out of my mind" routine. What he did now was just go in and out of me...slowly...very slow. I got so frustrated that I turned him over. I'm now on top and I was straddling him. I inserted his thick cock on my now wet pussy. I hugged him and kissed him, while I move back and forth. His cock teasing my clit as well as I go move on top of him. I was close to cumming when I saw a glint of anger on his eyes.
Jess: Ganyan ba turo sayo ng lalake mo? Mangabayo?
Gelai: Jess, pls...
Jess: Gusto mo ng sex? Mahilig ka sa titi ah. Ayan, eto pa...ummm ummm.
Jess changed our position. He turned me over. Doggy style. He was ramming his cock fast on my pussy. Nasasaktan na ko, as he would hold on to my hair.
Jess: Puta ka! Pinaniwala mo ko na matino kang babae. Tulad ka rin ng iba.
I managed to get away from him...hinabol nya ko.
Jess: Gel, sorry na...pls...sorry na.
now on my back again he inserted his still hard cock...and after a few mins he came.
I can't think anymore. I was in shock of what just happened. I wanted to pack my bags and just sprint out of the apartment. I just witnessed him changed personality in matter of seconds. But inside me, I wanted to stay. I wanted to make his pain and fear na may iba akong lalake to go away. I hugged him. He was sleeping na parang batang naglalambing. My tears slowly came down my cheeks.
I woke up in the morning not feeling well. I went straight to the washroom and threw up. Something I ate lang siguro sabi ko sa sarili ko. At lunch time I had this craving for Dinaing na Bangus. I went to the Filipino Store near by and purchased an uncooked package. I rushed home cooked and ate. Di ko agad naubos so tinakpan ko yung tira sa lamesa and then nakatulog ako.
Gelai: Nasaan na yung Bangus ko?
Nanay: Kinain na ni Carl gutom daw sya.
Gelai: Ano ba naman yan, sakin yun eh. (I was sniffing back the tears)
Nanay: Gel, Ok ka lang iha? Bat ka umiiyak?
Gelai: Ewan ko nay...gusto ko ng bangus.
Nanay: Bangus lang iniiyakan mo na.
Nilapitan ako ni Nanay, hinawakan nya ang ulo ko, tinignan mga mata ko. and finally tinitigan ako sa mata.
Nanay: Gel, buntis ka.
Gelai: Nay naman bangus lang gusto ko buntis na ko.
Nanay: Tara punta tayo ng doctor.
Nanay and I went to my family doctor. And as Nanay said. I was indeed pregnant. Almost two months na.
When Nanay informed Jess, naging matino na naman sya. He was so busy talking to my tummy. He would take time walking with me and as my tummy grew, lagi na syang nakikita na nakayakap sakin in public. He was proud to be a dad. On my 6th month being pregnant, December na, I was told by my doctor na I have to be careful. High risk pregnancy ako and if I continued working long hours I might have an early delivery due to stress. So I stopped working and filed for an early maternity leave.
Around the 16th of December, I was feeling extremely sad. Death Anniversary ng dad ko. I wanted Jess to be beside me pero wala sya. He got home late na naman, lasing. As a good wife, I helped him change his clothes and pinunasan ko pa sya.
Gelai: Lasing ka na naman bhe.
Jess: Ano ba pakialam mo. Buhay ko to!
Gelai: Nag aalala lang Jess.
Jess: Bakit ba tanong ka ng tanong?
He stood up bigla. Hinila nya ko patayo and he pinned me sa wall na naman. Nag flash back ang mga nangyari 6 months ago before me. Sa biglaang pag hila nya at pag pin sakin sa wall, tumama ang ulo ko at nauntog ako. I passed out momentarilly.
Nanay: Gel, anak, ok ka lang ba. Nahimatay ka daw sabi ni Jess.
Nanay: Ano problema anak ko? (habang hinahaplos ang ulo ko)
Gelai: Wala nay namimiss ko lang Daddy ko...
Nakatingin lang sakin si Jess, takot at hinanakit ang nararamdaman ko that time, pero di na ko nagsalita pa. I simply let my tears fall. Sinarili ko ang sama ng loob, ang lungkot at ang takot.
Dumaan na ang pasko na parang wala pa rin ako sa sarili ko. Dec. 26 nagkaron ng inuman sa bahay. Di ako mapakali. Parang takot na takot ako sa amoy ng mga lalakeng umiinom ng alak. The drinking fest ended...I was still awake. My baby kept moving. Nanay was also asleep. My husband, drunk. I went downstairs to his sister at around 5 a.m. Dec. 27.
Gelai: Ate...manganganak na ko.
Ate Sarah: Gelai you're only almost 7 months.
She was about to say something else when she looked down my leg. She called her husband to drive me right away to the hospital. Pilit nyang ginising si Jess. Si Jess na kanina'y lasing lang ay nawala ang pagkalasing. He was holdng my hand althoughout our ride to the hospital. I was hyperventilating, crying at the same time.
Jess: Bat ganito? Ano ginawa mo sa anak ko? Gel, bakit ang aga.
Gelai: Wag mo ko hawakan Jess..I HATE YOU!!
Nagulat ang asawa ni ate Sarah sa sinabi ko. Wala silang kaalam alam sa mga pasakit na naranasan ko kay Jess. That day, I gave birth prematurely to a baby boy weighing only 4.11 lbs Caesarian Section. My baby was placed in the incubator for about 2 weeks before he was allowed to go home. Jess was again nice, spending time with our son Jacob. Naguguluhan ako sa nangyayari samin. Pero that time gusto ko na lang tumakbo paalis at kalimutan ang buhay ko with Jess.